“I said, “Have mercy on me, Lord, heal me, for I have sinned against you.” Psalm 41:4
Most of my life, I was in rebellion against the Lord. I lived my life a part from any knowledge of Him or desire for Him. Thoughts of grieving Him nor pleasing Him did not even register in my heart or head, but when personal tragedy came into my life towards my 30’s, I was forced to wonder if there was really a God and if so, did He really care about me. So, I tested the Lord to see if He was real and cared about me, and when He proved Himself to me, I began attending church and absorbing and learning as much information as I could get my hands on. One year later, in a hotel room, my heart would finally understand where David was in Psalm 41:4.
David was a liar, an adulterer, a murderer, and full of deception, yet the Lord called him a man after His own heart. Why? How could such a criminal be the “apple of God’s eye?” Why? Well, because the Lord is a loving and forgiving father, if only we would admit our sins and seek forgiveness. When David had his sins pointed out to him, he did not justify his reasons or blame others. He immediately fell to his knees, admitted his wrongs, and sought the Lord for His forgiveness.
God does not measure us by our shortcoming and failures, but rather by our willingness and our response to humbling ourselves before Him and admitting them.
- “Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you.” Acts 13:38
The day I understood Psalm 41:4 was a ‘normal day.’ I was out of town for a business meeting, and alone in my hotel room with the curtains drawn, At once, I was overwhelmed by the weight of my life’s sins. I melted to the floor and spent the entire day on the floor of my hotel room, overflowing in tears of tremendous grief as every sin I had ever committed came flashing across my mind, from the smallest to the biggest, from a child, to an adult. The Lord was showing me how each and every one of these sins was ultimately against Him. I wept deeply, full of sorrow, as I felt the pain that I had caused my Lord each and every time I had sinned. The hurt was almost unbearable. I cried so long and hard that I had missed my business meeting and missed my plane home. I had to take a later flight, and found that I had to wear sunglasses as my eyes were so swollen from the gallons of tears.
Though my day was the worst day I had ever had, it was also the best day because I was able to realize the pain that sin causes our heavenly Father, and I was able to understand how I needed to ask forgiveness for all of my sins. And, though I continue to sin, I have put my hope and trust in Jesus Christ, who removes all sin, past, present, and future. I owe my life to Him who has the ability to cover and forgive sins.
- “‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”” Revelation 21:4
Father God, Thank you for your mercy and grace. We don’t deserve to be forgiven of all the thousands of sins we do against you, but you choose to remember them no more and love us anyway. We owe you our very lives as payment. Help us to live every day, in full humility to you, recognizing, admitting, and asking for forgiveness for those things that hurt you. Give us strength to live in the righteousness of Jesus Christ each and every day. In Jesus Name. Amen.